In order to make myself feel better, and perhaps provide some insight to those less fortunate than myself, here are:
TEN WAYS TO BEAT THE MISERABLE MIDNIGHT HEAT
So yeah it's been like sixty-five to seventy degrees at night here, and since I live in mild, coastal Tacoma, I know it's gotta be miserable elsewhere. I hate the heat more than anybody except maybe my dad and some other generously-weighted folks. In case you're looking for some nifty tricks to stay cool at night so you're not up until three AM crying, "WHY ME?", here they are:
- SLEEP NAKED. Okay, you don't really have to be naked, but you definitely want to strip down as much as possible. I've been going commando for the last few nights, wearing nothing but thin jammy-shorts and a tank top, and I'd suggest y'all do the same. But if you're comfy in your birthday suit, that's fine with me. I'll send you a card.
- A BOWL OF ICE IS NICE. But a cat is fine, too. Seriously, though, if you have a fan in your room {because you're unfortunate enough to not have air conditioning or your parents won't share; ...hint}, get a bowl with short sides and fill it with ice and a little water. Put the bowl in front of your fan and let a cool breeze flow. I don't know how it works, but it does. My dad taught it to me.
- WATER. Don't drink soda at night, or juice; gatorade is also a no-no. Cold water is the best thing for you, because you just don't need electrolytes or sugar or caffeine that late at night and staying hydrated will cool your body off naturally.
- OPEN YOUR WINDOWS. That's right; let the burglars and rapists in! Seriously, though, you have to keep your windows open to catch a cross-breeze. Put a fan in the window sill, and it'll pull the air in. Even if it's warm air from outside, it's still fresh, and better than the soon-to-be stagnant indoor air you've got trapped inside your home. Most windows come with safety latches, so your window doesn't have to be open all the way, but I know folks that stick bits of wood or plastic in the frame so they can have the window open wider, and still eliminate the risk of potential home invaders.
- TAKE THE BLANKETS OFF. If you're like me, you have to be covered at night; at least a little. You can't even take a nap during the day if your torso isn't snuggled up against something warm. But taking the blankets off the bed and sleeping in the sheets, or sleeping on top of the blankets will drastically improve things, and still keep you cozy at night.
- PUT YOUR HAIR UP. If you have hair that touches or grows beyond your neck, sling it back in a ponytail; but don't use hairspray or product to put it up; the heat will make it smell awful and your hair will be a bitch to wash out in the morning. Just tie it back loosely so your neck can catch cool air; there's nothing worse than having a hot neck or face at night.
- GET A COOL RAG. Soak a washcloth or a little towel in cold water or wrap it around an ice pack. Keep it handy or put it on your forehead. It'll make your whole body feel a lot cooler. Just remember to wring it out so the sheets aren't wet. Ew.
- TAKE A COOL SHOWER. Before you go to bed, or if you find you can't sleep at night {even after you followed all of my awesome tips!}, take a cold shower. I'm not talking frigid and icy, just something lukewarm or cooling. If you stand under the water and shut your eyes, it'll relax your muscles and cool things down significantly. It doesn't have to be a long shower, either; just enough until you're stumbling into bed with bleary eyes again.
- WHATEVER YOU DO, AVOID YOUR FURRY FRIENDS. Sleeping with your cat or your best bud Spike in the winter might be a heartwarming prospect, but in the summer, 'warm' is the last word you want to hear before you go to sleep. Kick your cuddly compadres out for the night and make it up by slipping them a couple scraps in the morning; if they're especially pissed.
- SLEEP IN A DIFFERENT POSITION OR ROOM. Other rooms might be cooler than your own, especially if you live on the second floor of a domicile. You're out of luck if you're in an apartment, but rooms with big windows or open spaces {living rooms or a master bedroom; if you're not in it} will already be cooler. Sleeping in different positions or places in your room can help, too; if you sleep on your stomach, sleep on your back. If your back faces a window, turn around. Some people can't manage it, but if you're the kind that falls out of bed anyway, it probably won't matter that much.
So there are my ten tips for staying cool in the summer at night. I've tried all these tips over the years, and while some might not work for you, guaranteed, at least one of these will. Good luck, and no, I haven't posted pictures of my Portland excursion yet. They're on my facebook, though, so go look there.
Did'ja miss me?
YOU'D BETTER HAVE.
So I was in Portland, Oregon for a week with my best friend, Sarah Jane. I like her, because she's just right in every way- no fucked up family, no drugs, no sex.. you know, somebody my age with my interests and a generally great attitude?
She's photogenic and has an epic frowny face, too, so bonus points.
I was apprehensive about going to Portland for a whole week- I hardly knew her, with the only intel being that she's a Girl Scout and really, really likes Team Fortress 2. I was surprised, therefore, when her mother asked me to come and stay for such a long time.
I was so reluctant to go, at the end, though. Turns out Sarah Jane and I share all of our favorite bands, tops being Cage the Elephant and Gorillaz. Red Hot Chili Peppers is alright by her and loved by me, and the other way around with Cake. She has the greatest room ever, with the unfortunate exception of squeaky floorboards; not good for late-night dancing and arting. We painted and sketched a lot, and she even gave me a lot of helpful tips for my own artwork, which is spectacular. I feel better already, even though I haven't touched my sketchbook since I left.
We did a lot of stuff around town, too- I tried Bubble Tea for the first time, which was amazingly good and met some of the coolest folks ever- I got hugs!
From GUYS!
I HAVE NO GUY FRIENDS HERE (OR FRIENDS, REALLY)
SO IT WAS GREAT
And we went to the zoo and I wanted to hug the hippos for they are adorable and covered with thin hairs. I met her family, who don't eat sugar or butter or pretty much anything with more than 0.5 calories in it, but I gave their hummus a shot and it was pretty tasty. I'd had it before, but I just don't think a spread should have... chunks in it.
The weather was great, and so were the doughnuts at this awesome little hole-in-the-wall stop called
VooDoo Doughnut. Their doughnuts are
spectacular. So I experienced new things, tried my hand at canvas painting for the first time, heard knew stuff, bought a hat from a cute hippie named Julian and got to know my best friend a whole lot better.
I'll post pictures soon, my camera is dead, though.
OMEGLE IS SO WONDERFUL
I had this chat with somebody when I was chilling with Nick in Sarah Jane's room.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You're alone in the forest when an old man approaches you. He is carrying a knife and a lamp. You...
Stranger: say hello to him
You: The old man greets you in a gruff manner; "Arrr, it's a dark night," he says. He warns you of the dangers of being out alone and waves the knife in front of your face, advancing several steps. You...
Stranger: step backward from his knife-waving advances, warning him to watch his step, or face the dire consequences
You: The old man hisses like an old cat and growls, "Are you threatening me?" before slashing the knife through the air; it barely misses you. You...
Stranger: realising that this man is clearly not sane, I deftly sweep him from his feet with a kick to his ankles, before disarming him and walking away into the night
You: The old man explodes and showers you with the bloody, chunky remains of his corpse. You wander further into the forest when you come across a pool to wash it off with; however, there's a strange aura settling around you. You...
Stranger: pick at the bits of corpse remaining on myself, eating any particularly good morsels - it has been a long time since my last meal. after considering bathing in the pool for a short moment, I decide to first throw an innocent rabbit sitting nearby into the pool to test its safety
You: The water explodes and shoots into the air like some muddy geyser, carrying a now delicious fried rabbit with it. The corpse of the furry creature lands at your feet, and you, terrified of what may have happened had you stepped in, run quickly away. You're nearing the edge of the forest, and it's almost dawn, when you see a gentle maiden caught in a bear trap! You...
Stranger: stop quickly in my tracks, realising I have left a perfectly good snack pass me by. returning swiftly to the pool, I grab the steamed rabbit, before returning to the trapped maiden. deciding that I am too inexperienced to deal with a bear trap, I call my good friend Geoff, who is something of a local expert, before assuring the maiden that she will be rescued shortly. i offer her some rabbit to pass the time.
You: The maiden thanks you for your hospitality, but regretfully informs you that she's a vegan. Suddenly disgusted by this faggotry, you call up Geoff and tell him to eat the maiden when he arrives. You create makeshift wheels out of sticks, attach them to the rabbit with twine and ride off into the sunset.
